Time for some truths

Today marked the end of week 7 of the 16 week plan. So in 9 weeks time I'll (hopefully) have just completed the London Marathon, and be the extremely proud owner of something like this picture here. But let's be honest, running VLM is about way more than just a beautiful bit of bling to add to my ever-increasing collection. When I first started my VLM journey in October last year I encountered a lot of doubters, a lot of sniggers where I just knew they were wondering how soon until I would give up, and a lot of people who thought that anyone who has ever had an eating disorder could only be wanting to train for a marathon for one reason, to speed up weight loss and have a legitimate reason to exercise excessively.

To be honest, running a marathon wasn't on my radar. I never considered myself good enough to run 26.2 miles all in one go at one of the world's most prestigious running events. So when one of the events team from Mind suggested I apply for a charity place to run VLM I had to have a really good think. The more I thought about it, about the commitment involved, the heavy training and the race itself, I realised I REALLY wanted to get a place, and although it would've been a lot easier to have got a ballot place and not have the stress of raising a lot of money, I really wanted to fund raise for Mind. It just seems right to me that a monumental physical effort should go hand in hand with a monumental amount of money raised to a charity close to my heart.

So far I have raised over £1900 for Mind to run VLM. That's 110% of my required total, and I'm hoping to get more during the next few weeks. But what does that money actually go on?

£10 could send information booklets out to 30 people... So with £1900, 5700 could receive a booklet about mental health, that just might help them to understand their own illness or that of a family member or a friend.

£15 could enable someone to take part in a group therapy session... So £1900 could fund over 125 group therapy sessions.

You get the idea. This money isn't going to finance fat cats sat in their offices driving expensive cars, it's giving people the chance to seek help, talk to someone and get legal advice when they have lost their jobs or their homes due to mental illness.

Sometimes it's really hard to talk to people you know about intrusive thoughts, fears and how you feel in general. People are judgemental, and with the stigma carried by mental health, it seems that people would much rather band together and kick somebody when they're down than stand up and say they don't understand it but they are there. From personal experience I can say that most people who are in the depths of despair and stood facing the abyss don't want someone to have all the answers or make it better, all they want is that human connection and to know that someone is there. I've lost count of the number of times people have told me they don't know anything about mental health so they don't know how to help, but I always think that is a massive cop out. I have friends who have battled cancer, who struggle with MS and who have brittle asthma resulting in incredibly lengthy hospital stays. I am neither an oncologist, nor a neurologist, nor a respiratory physician, but I don't need to be; all I need is to be compassionate, caring and there when needed. What is it about mental illness that gets people so on edge?

Steam cabinet

The steam cabinet was used circa 1910 as a way of "calming patients down" if they suffered from "nervousness" or "jitters". This was at a time when anyone with any psychiatric malady was treated in an asylum for the insane, and having entered, they rarely left again. This was at a time when lobotomies were becoming increasingly common, and patient abuse depressingly frequent.

One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest

Fast forward a few years to the 1960s and the book (then later the film) One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest was released. This is really gritty. The patients have a variety of conditions, some of them genuinely psychiatric in nature such as being delusional and paranoid, but many of them suffering physical illnesses such as epilepsy and stuttering. The head nurse is somewhat sadistic and enjoys humiliating patients and controlling them severely, punishing misbehaviour with courses of ECT.

Is this how people today consider mental illness? Is this what people are afraid of?

Depression

This is a more realistic picture of mental illness. Depression. There's nothing scary about this woman. I look at her and I see myself, the look in her eyes, the darkness and sadness veiling her face. This is why I'm running for Mind. For people like her whose friends probably tell her to pull herself together, keep her chin up, stop being negative, etc. You CAN'T snap out of it. And sometimes you get to a state where the will to live has gone long before the body actually takes the hint. But that doesn't need locking away, or sectioning, or alienating. It needs love, and kindness and the security of having somewhere there for those dark moments where you just need a friend.

So that's why I'm supporting Mind. 

And I tell you what, this marathon lark is bloody hard work. Today I set off out on my long run, completely inadequately fuelled as stresses of the week had meant I'd eaten very little, poorly rested as I'm struggling to sleep at present, alone with only my negative gremlins for company, and out in the perishingly cold weather. I decided to run to Long Eaton and Sawley to deliver some virtual run medals and thus save on postage and fuel. It was FREEZING. Then halfway in the heavens opened and ice cold rain just fell from the sky. I must admit now, I do love my Sunday long runs but today I was miserable. By the time I'd delivered the third medal I was soaked from the inside due to sweat, and soaked from the outside due to the rain. Then the temperature dropped. About 11 miles in and 4 miles from home my lovely husband Larry texted me and offered to pick me up in the car, but despite every fibre of my being saying yes yes yes, I said no thank you. Why did I say this? I'm stubborn and proud, and it felt like it'd be a major sign of failure to accept help. So I kept plodding on and on. On my way through Chilwell the pavement narrowed making me quite close to the vehicles on the road, and I noticed the odd few - usually Ford Transit drivers - seemed to drive closer to the kerb and accelerate as they passed me, attempting to cover me in a wave of rain water. Unbeknown to them I have pretty fast reflexes, and managed to jump over the incoming torrents and somehow didn't get any wetter. The urge to flip them the birdie was quite strong but to be honest I was cold and tired and they weren't worth it. I finally finished after 15.61 miles in the most horrendous conditions, and promptly showered off and joined the rest of my family at soft play. At least if the weather is bad for my forthcoming races I will be well prepared and very experienced!

On a final note, this little guy has served his time and is now allowed out for walks. Give it a few months and we'll be having our first runs together.

Freedom for Barney!