Bumps in the road

So I'm now into week 2 of my training plan, and training-wise I feel like I'm going strong and making progress. After my fantastic run on Sunday I felt full of enthusiasm and excitement at what lay ahead. I had a PT session yesterday to replace the missed one last week when I was putting my dog to sleep, and it felt good to see an impressed smile on TT's face rather than a look of concern that I would pass out at any minute. Today I did a body pump class followed by a TRX session, and I nailed both. I'm still not up to full par but I'm on the way and pretty close, and things can only get better from here, right?

Wrong.

I forgot how tumultuous "recovery" is. I forgot how as the world applauds your valiant attempts at increasing your food intake, the tangle of your mind just gets more knotted and confused, increasing the desire to retreat back to the so-called haven that is anorexia. I can't go back. I want to go back. But I can't go back. 

So now I'm trying to cope with the physical ramifications of eating more; feeling bloated, fluid retention, feeling sluggish, along with the mental ones; feeling guilty at eating more, conviction that I've ballooned to three times my size and general feelings of blah. I feel ok while I'm training, but the overwhelming hunger I get afterwards scares me, because I'm not sure how much to surrender myself to it. Unfortunately I had a non-amicable parting of the ways last week with my therapist, and the usual people I would confide in are temporarily unavailable, so somehow I need to remain focused and not stray too far from the path while I walk it alone. This is when running is way better than therapy!

But looking at the big picture, I still have the best part of 15 weeks to get marathon ready. I'm back in the game, I'm training hard and beginning to see results. Fund raising is going fairly well and I'm pretty confident that I'm going to make my target. Having said that, my husband did (very reluctantly) agree to have his back and chest waxed for sponsorship if I looked like I would fall short of the target. I'm torn between wanting this to not be necessary, and actually having a masochistic desire to do this! But Larry, I think you're safe...!

Alas, another flurry of snow has been forecast for this week. In the past all I had to worry about was driving in the snow, but this year I need to think about my training plan. However, marathon training isn't interested in it being too snowy or icy outside to run. Time is ticking and I need to put miles in my legs one way or another, so unless I want to face the monotony of the dreadmill, it's slippy slidey time outside!

This could well be me

Fingers crossed for an early spring!!