Bupa Great South Run: done!

So Sunday was the big day. The day I'd been working towards for the past few months, until, that is, I decided I may as well have a go at doing a marathon, upon which it became a practise race. Last week was tough; I struggle to eat carbs 3 times a day, and by carbs I mean proper carbs like brown rice and pasta, not crisps (which are way more fun!). Last week saw me having 3 healthy portions of carbs a day, with snacks of bananas and apples where necessary. I was tapering, and my legs appreciate a good week's rest before an event, so I kept the training to a minimum. And let me say, I was miserable. Increased carbs, decreased exercise and the growing nerves of participating in my first proper race messed with my head a bit. I relied heavily on support from Larry and some wise friends to keep me going on the right track. But tapering was tough. I had so much building energy in my body as my glycogen stores built up and my activity levels decreased, that it was almost too much at times.

This certainly applied to me last week!

But when the weekend came I was glad I'd prepared well. Travelling down to my parents in Surrey on the Saturday afternoon I was awash with nerves, but by the time bedtime came around, I was ready. My mum made me a carb-heavy dinner, although I think she may have overestimated how much food I could consume because I certainly couldn't eat more than half of it. But I was really touched at the effort she'd gone to to make sure I was well-equipped for the following day. And was I ever glad that the clocks went back that night because the extra hour in bed meant that Larry and I didn't have to get up quite so early the following morning! By 6.30 am we were on the road on our way to Portsmouth!
                                                   

It was really strange arriving at the race site. There were so many people in running gear, some looking cool and collected and clearly very experienced, and others like me clearly there for the first time not quite certain about what to do. The television cameras were flying overhead in helicopters, all the charities were set up in tents in the charity village, there was a big massage tent, and the loos, oh the loos! Row upon row of portaloos, each of them as smelly as the next, were found all round the area. Queues varied from non-existent to long as runners were desperate to squeeze out those last drops before they had to start the race. I think I went about 3 times in the hour before my race: you never can tell if those drops might make all the difference later!

Run Muumy Run!

I managed to meet up with some of the Run Mummy Run ladies pre race which was great, each of us recognising each other by our zany compression socks. These ladies are brilliant, I've learnt so much about running from them and they are always there with a supportive word or to share in the joy of a good run. It was so nice to know we were all scattered throughout the 25,000 runners, so you didn't have to look far to see a "friend", even if we hadn't previously met. That also applied to the Mind runners too, we were united by a common cause, which evoked friendship despite being strangers.

As we got ready for our wave to start we could see the tv footage of the elite runners as they began their race, then before long we were being moved forwards until suddenly the march picked up into a run and we were off! Immediately I was aware of two major problems, the first being that I really hadn't needed the base layer under my Mind vest and was in danger of overheating, and second that I was at the front of the white wave with a heck of a lot of runners behind me and I had to keep going. This wouldn't have been an issue, had the starting pace not been so fast. I usually settle at 10 minute miles. The first 2 miles I ran that day took 16 minutes. Add that to overheating and I had a major issue. I managed to get to the side and stop for a minute, but my heart rate was way too high and I ended up being sick right near where the marines stood. I felt faint, the floor was rocking and my vision was filled with black dots. Some people asked me if I wanted them to call St Johns to see to me but I refused. Call me stubborn but I had a lot of people backing me and I did not want to pull out so early. Somehow I got through the next 2 miles and was thrilled to see Larry at the side of the road cheering me on. I ran over and ripped both my tops off which gave the other spectators a bit of an eyeful! Putting the Mind vest back on I felt so much cooler, and with that I went on. At about 5 miles I decided I hated running, I would never run again and berated myself for even thinking I could do a race like the Great South Run, let alone the London Marathon! Mile by mile I plodded on, seeing Larry every couple of miles and my mother-in-law with her sister and friend a couple of times. I have to say, the crowd were phenomenal. Sometimes when I broke down to a walk they'd shout "come on Jenny, not far now", then cheer when I started running again. Children held out their hands to be high fived, and screeched with delight when I obliged them. It was kind of like being a celebrity in the most hellish situation ever. At 6.5 miles I ran through the shower which was heavenly, and cooled me down brilliantly. It all adds to the race experience!! As I got to the final couple of miles my legs were tired but my mind was strong, and I powered through to a finishing time of 1:54 hours.

In the immediate aftermath of the race I was totally monged out. I moved through the finishers enclosure absolutely exhausted, handed my chip back and received my medal and t shirt, then figured I'd just let Larry find me rather then use up precious energy looking for him. I was torn between being thrilled and proud that I'd completed the race, whilst berating myself at not having done it faster. I was angry at my body for letting me down when I knew I could run it quicker than that, but then I don't usually have to go through days of extreme race nerves and broken sleep before a run. I still don't really know how I feel. When I went and said hello at the Mind tent they were very supportive, and I know that several people were taken away by ambulance and whole lot of other people didn't finish. But would I ever be truly happy with my time or would I always want it to be quicker? Is this a part of my personality? With my anorexia I always wanted to get the numbers smaller, always to weigh less, to eat less. With exams I never celebrate a pass but instead torture myself for not scoring highly enough. If I'd run the GSR in 1:40 would I be wanting it to be closer to 1:30? Will I ever be happy with myself when I am such a perfectionist, or will I always be striving for the impossible?

The day after the race I woke up feeling like I'd been run over by a tractor, my legs were wrecked. And on studying the data from my Garmin I actually ran my most consistent run yet. I've had lots of talks with my shiny new PT Tim, who will be assessing my running style and hopefully making me stronger and more efficient. I've been out running hill repeats already, and am determined to be the best that I can be. I'm excited to be embarking on marathon training, and I've entered the 2015 Great South Run! Me and that race have unfinished business!    

Learning points

With only 6 days til race day, I'm well into my tapering and going a bit doolally as a result. The last few days have been somewhat stressful. A weekend away at my father-in-law's was punctuated by vomiting children. I have never seen as much vomit as I did this weekend, and one of my clinical placements was on a gastro ward! I'd planned to run a 10k when we got home on Sunday afternoon as part of my tapering down to race day, but when we finally got home and had put all the sicky clothes in the washing machine, I was wiped out. So I went out on a training run, but stopped after 5k as the complete absence of sleep the night before was having a major effect, and I could feel that the tendinitis I've been treating all last work was still there to a lesser degree, so I didn't want to antagonise it. But recently I have discovered 3 things about myself and running.

The first thing is that I'm naturally quite competitive. I don't like having to hold back, I'd rather throw my all into my training. This morning, before my body combat class started I had to tell the instructor I was taking the low impact options because of tapering, because god forbid she thought I had become a complete wimp and was taking the easy option! It's so hard for me to hold back, but I know it will set me up well for race day. It's just hard watching my friends all doing jump kicks and not be able to try and jump higher than them. Ditto it'll be hard on race day not taking off at top speed; that would be fine on a 5k but over 10 miles will not end well!

The second thing I have learnt is that I will have to work hard to fit my training around my family and other commitments. My children have to be my first and foremost priority, there's no argument about that. But, like this weekend, sometimes situations will arise where a planned training session will have to be abandoned or cut short, and frustrating as that will be, I will have to deal. That might seem like an obvious thing to say, but running and training in general are very sacred parts of my life, so I will need to get better at sacrificing them should my family need me. This may entail getting up early and running at 5.30am as I get into my marathon training. Yikes!! That'll be painful!

The third and final thing I have figured out this week is that I run best when I'm happy. When my mood is low and my depression has got a strong hold over me, everything seems to move in slow motion. It's like running through treacle. The negative voice that irritates every runner at the first part of their run seems more insistent, making me doubt my ability to keep going and complete the distance. Recently my mood has been well and truly in my boots. Training has been tough. It's easy to put up a positive "I'm ok" aura for the rest of the world, but that doesn't extend to my legs so to achieve anything during a training session requires stubbornness and mental grit.And it is all this that reminds me of why I'm running for Mind, because no matter how bad I feel, other people are suffering with their mental health way worse, and I'm lucky to have an amazing husband and supportive family behind me. So I will continue to carry the flag for Mind, and I will remain proud in doing so.

Tonight I'm launching a Guess My Time competition for the Great South Run. Hopefully I'll increase my fundraising whilst giving people a bit of fun. Fingers crossed it's a success!

Retail therapy

It's been a funny sort of week, some good days but a whole lot of bad ones too. Friday was a good day, and not just because all the children were at school/pre school/nursery! I did some retail therapy in my favourite running shop, The Derby Runner. Training for a marathon is one thing, but training over the coldest, iciest months of the year is a whole other matter entirely. I have had runs where I've left the house and winced in the cold brisk wind which leaves me shivering until I've got going and warmed up, at which point I welcome the cold weather! My first shopping need was a pair of long running tights, because there's only so much longer I can cope with having my ankles exposed! I got some gore runner ones and can honestly say they are the comfiest piece of sportswear I have ever worn. It's almost like running commando, you wouldn't know they're there. I also got a long sleeved top, a head band/ear warmer thingy like a buff but not a buff, and some gloves. I suspect I will need some extra bits as time goes by, but that's a whole lot better than my usual, summer running gear.

Spooky track on my long run

Last week I did my long run on the Saturday afternoon instead of on Sunday morning like usual, and I was really upset because it was a hard slog. I called my husband Larry after 1.5 miles, almost in tears, needing him to tell me to pull myself together and just run. It was one of those days where my body seemed to think it needed regular walking stops, and my legs felt like they were wading through treacle. A far cry from the feeling of flying I'd had the previous week. As I went round I tried to analyse why it was such a struggle that day. As it turns out I was coming down with a throat infection, and I'd pushed myself hard training the previous week, and maybe that was just a bit too much for my body on the day. I forced myself round 11 miles but it was sheer willpower and stubbornness that kept my feet going.

Looks like the set from The Walking Dead!

I didn't feel amazing when I got home from that run. I didn't feel my usual euphoria. No, I started worrying again....will I make the Great South Run on the 26th? Am I hugely overestimating my ability and really I should just stick to running for the bus and let proper runners do big races? My depressed head would love me to give up, but I have a lot of people supporting me and some people have kindly sponsored me, and I will not let those people down by giving in to the negative voice in my head that plagues most runners.

So to try and buck my mood and confidence up I've spent the last couple of days concentrating on fundraising ideas. I've just ordered a load of flyers that I intend to stick in Christmas cards and the like. I don't want people to feel like they need to finance my hobby, but I really appreciate those who care enough to support such a worthwhile charity as Mind whilst supporting me at the same time. My next job is to organise a kick ass raffle for around Christmas time which my children's nursery are going to help me oversee. I'm really so grateful to everyone who supports me during this journey, I'm lucky to have supportive family who are prepared to watch the children so I can train and/or fundraise, and incredibly lucky to have a husband who appreciates the commitment a marathon entails, and is also prepared to rub out my sore muscles after a run even when I'm shrieking from the pain!

Good days, bad days

I still don't think I've come back down to earth since finding out last Wednesday that I'll be running the VLM next April. It's taken excitement to a whole new level! The other night my husband and I settled down to watch 28 Days Later, and this time I watched it with different eyes. Rather than just enjoying the film, I couldn't help but think, "ooh I'll be running over that bridge", and imagining myself running through the London streets that feature during the earlier part of the film. Thankfully no "infected" people will be chasing me as I run, though I'd imagine that would certainly shave some time off my finishing time if there were!

Empty streets of London as depicted in 28 Days Later

The lovely events team at Mind sent me a link to "SamCam". A lady called Samantha ran the VLM for Mind this year, and she had a camera attached to her as she ran, giving a fantastic insight into what it's like to run the marathon. The link to the footage can be found here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXN-0Bkd77s

It completely captures the feeling of this amazing marathon, and I can't watch it without getting a lump in my throat and prickles in my eyes as I, too, will be involved in this amazing event. 

Friday was my short run day before I did body balance, and, to be honest, it wasn't my best run ever. I did 5k, but it was so start-stop, and felt so inconsistent that I felt thoroughly disheartened afterwards. I hate bad runs, they have the power to rip apart your confidence and make you begin to question what you are actually doing. But as a good friend once told me, a good run usually follows a bad one, and they were so right because yesterday I stormed an amazing 12 miles. From the moment I left my walking warm up and started running I knew it was going to be a good run. I felt strong, my breathing was steady, and it just all came together. The best bit was that I didn't get my usual blisters, so the Compeed blister stick really seems to have worked. I'll certainly be using it again. 

It's now less than 3 weeks til the Great South Run, so I'm at the peak of my training for that, then afterwards I plan to work on my running base before beginning to increase distance. 

London Marathon 2015: I'm in!

Yesterday I got the best email, telling me that I have a place to run the London Marathon 2015 with the charity Mind. To read the words on that email was a complete eureka moment. I had to reread it several times to make sure I'd read it properly, then I called my husband and shrieked down the phone at him. I still can't believe I've got the good fortune to have one of those highly-coveted places, and to run for such an amazing charity so close to my heart is a massive privilege. 

Mind is a charity which supports anyone suffering from a mental health problem. So many people suffer from mental health issues in one way or another these days, but there is still so much stigma surrounding the subject. We've all heard the euphemisms "bonkers", "off their trolley", "barking mad" and some other less tasteful ones, but would anyone speak so derogatorily to someone with, say, cancer or heart disease? No, they would not. So why is it acceptable to marginalise those with mental illnesses but not those with physical illnesses? This is where Mind come in. They work to make sure that people with mental health problems get support and respect, and aim to spread awareness and remove the social stigma attached to such illnesses. 

Most people who know me know that I have struggled with depression and anorexia for much of my life. I am now at an ok state. I'm functional. My depression is mostly controlled by medication, and I eat to survive, which is good enough for me. I have good days and bad days, and a whole lot of ok days, but on the whole I can get by. I am fortunate in that I am supported by a loving husband and family and friends, and my three beautiful children can make the most miserable of us break out a smile. 

I started running at the end of last year as part of a body attack class at the gym. The first time I had to do it I was worried; my body wasn't what it once was after having 3 children in 3 years and we all know about the importance of good pelvic floors! But just running around the studio during the running track made me wonder what it would be like to pop on a treadmill and have a bit of a better run. So on 31st January 2014, whilst at Eden Hall day spa, I jumped on the treadmill and ran 1km. It felt great! Over the ensuing weeks I slowly built my distance up until I hit 5km, at which point I started running outside. That felt so good I decided to enter the Race For Life, and for the sheer challenge of it I entered the 10k race.

Me at the end of the 10k R4L with my son

Doing the Race For Life changed something in the way I viewed running. Whereas before it had been a matter of train hard enough to do the race then go back to my usual training, I realised I really enjoyed it and wanted to capitalise on what I'd achieved so far. So I signed up with Mind to run the Great South Run, and my relationship with this great charity and with racing as opposed to just running began. Since then I have started my own kind of training regime, and do my long runs every Sunday morning, something I am grateful to my husband for because he looks after the children allowing me this time and space. The rest of the week I do a mixture of cross training, strength training, short runs and intervals. It is important to me right now that, although I'm obviously very excited about running VLM, not to let it detract from the great honour of running the Great South Run. 

I intend to use this blog to keep people up to date with my training until the big day, and hopefully raise a bit of awareness for Mind at the same time.